Stop Settling for Less

bbe74f3f56e3a8ba816289ae1564a728In life, there can be some things that simply get on your nerves. It seems that no matter how many goals we set, we can never make it to where we want to be. Why is this? Could be it confidence? Could it be that we are setting long-term goals, but trying to accomplish them without putting in time? Both of these could be good reasons. However, whenever we do obtain the things that we want, we often become frustrated. When you are frustrated, it causes you to lose focus on what is important. Once you become frustrated, you begin to settle. When you begin to settle you become unhappy. As you can see, it is a domino effect. We have all been to a place to where we have settled. The most important thing to realize is that no matter where you are in life, you should always have a plan. Without a plan, settling will not only consume you but ultimately destroy you.

Living in a town that was very depressing for three years has taught me a lot about settling. Between 2012-2015, I lived in Orangeburg, South Carolina. Growing up in a diverse city, I can say I was fortunate to be cultured prior to moving there. Just to give you a little background about Orangeburg, there are roughly about 13,500 people who live in that town. I would say just an  about half of the population would be college students. After 12:00 AM, the only places that are open is two gas stations, and four restaurants (IHop, Waffle House, McDonald’s, and Cook-Out.) There is little to no job opportunity. Many of the college students graduate and stay in the town working dead end jobs. They often do this becuase the cost of living there is so cheap. In fact, there are many people who live in the town and graduate only to become managers in the fast food industry. Now you and I both know that even as a manager in fast food, there is no way you can pay student loans.

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I remember my last year being there, I was very depressed. I caught myself getting excited about receiving calls to work as a manager at places like Dollar General. I am not bashing anyone who works at places like that, but that is not a part of my destiny. Most of all, that is not who I am. I lost focus of who I was, and became mediocre. I remember waking up some days, and not even recognizing myself. I began gaining alot of weight due to unhappiness. I allowed people to be in my life who now would not even be able to hold a conversation with me.

Shortly after I left, I moved to Charlotte which was hard to adjust to. I needed a complete reprogramming of my mindset. I remember meeting people, and thinking they thought they were better than me. It was my insecurities, because I was still in the mindset of being average. It was not that they thought they were better than me, but the toxic programming that I received in Orangeburg about it being okay to be mediocre. Moving away from negative energy is something that one has to do in order to reach their destiny.

Although everyone who is reading this may not be in a small town, it may be your community that you need to get away from. I remember one of my favorite bloggers Francheska Medina (HeyFranHey) speaking about this. She talked about how the change from public to private school changed her mindset, and shaped who she is today. She mentioned that if she was not put into private school, she knows that her life would have been totally different being a kid from Harlem.

So now you are probably asking yourself, “Is this blog only about not  settling to obtain career goal?” No, it is not. Now it is time to point out the individuals who may have been successful in other aspects, but have settled in relationships. “They are just going through alot right now. They are trying.” Have you ever said this about someone? Some of you may currently be saying this. Well I have new for you. This is considered settling. We all go through alot everyday. It is okay to have a moment, but make sure it only lasts for a moment. If you see the same patterns in someone and continue to make excuses for them, then you are settling. This is seen alot in abusive relationships both verbal and physical. No one is going through so much that they have to put their hands on you or degrading you as a human. If it gets to that point, then it is time for someone to leave the relationship. This is how many domestic abust victims end up dead. Because they were settling for love, and found someone who would say that they loved them even though they did not.

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The same applies to cheating. How long can you stay with someone knowing that you are not the only one? What does it take to know that you do not have to put up with that. You have to know when enough is enough. We have so many people who will settle and pretend to be happy, just because it looks good to others. What about your sanity? What about your mental health? Does all of that go away, becuase you are the picture perfect couple to society? It really amazes me how, us as humans can see dysfunction in others, but will not call it out in ourselves.

create-your-destinyIf you have not taken any advice from any of my blog posts, this is one that I beg you to take. Stop allowing your environment, friends, family, and partners take away from your destiny. Stop allowing them to destroy your mental health. Most of all, stop allowing yourself to destroy your mental health. STOP SETTLING! About five or six months ago, I had a friend buy me an item. On the back of the item it says, “Don’t ever lose sight of your destiny.” At the time that I received the item, I was not as appreciative as I am now about the quote. I thought it was kind of irrelevant. Now, I look at it at least three times out of the week. In fact, I make decisions from that quote. I ask myself, “Is this going to cause me to lose sight of my destiny?” If it does, then I eliminate that particular person or thing out of my life. That is the mindset you have to have. Eliminate any and everything that is going to go against your goals to get you to your destiny.

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